Update

So today I got a phone call that I wasn't expecting and hung up feeling disappointed, sad, mad, devastated, etc... I was under the impression that I was going to have my laparoscopy either Friday or Monday but the nurse called and said I would not be able to have it done until April 21st. So why would that be disappointing...well for a couple of reasons. 1. They have to put me on birth control to regulate my cycle to fit in with the timing of the surgery (not what you want to hear when you are trying) 2. more waiting... The nurse said that the best time for us to conceive would probably be in the summer. Now in my head I know that summer isn't that far away and that I'm going to be thankful to have the laparoscopy but my heart breaks once again in the "you'll just have to wait some more." 

I knew when we entered this process that I wanted to be able to trust God with the timing of everything but sometimes that is just so hard. It seems like when I hope the most I risk. I risk the fact that it might not happen and of course in my flesh I get disappointed. Yet I still long to hope. Isn't that what hope is about? Longing for what is unseen. Not just when it comes to starting a family but also longing to be with my Father. Longing for Him to wipe away our tears and restore us so we may be complete in him. 

Oh how I am thankful that He never grows weary, cause I sure do. I'm thankful that his mercies are new every morning. I'm thankful that I have a Savior who understands me. 

I really love songs and specific ones have really been meaningful at different points in my life. The one that comes to mind at the moment is Praise You in this Storm by Casting Crowns

I was sure by now

God you would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and save the day

But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear Your whisper through the rain

"I am with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away. 

And I'll praise you in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

And every tear I've cried 

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise you in this storm

I remember when 

I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry to you

And you raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives 

And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The Maker of Heaven and Earth