Relinquish

One of my most favorite devotionals is Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. I completed the devotional last year but yearned for more. Then Adam received Nearer to Jesus by Sarah Young last year at Christmas, which I quickly 'stole' from him. I believe the Lord has used these 2 books in the last 2 years to specifically speak to the deep places of my heart.  I remember dreaming of what it would be like to be a mom... AND never did I imagine that I would be 'mommy' to two adorable babies in 2 years. The waiting was so HARD and now that my dream has become a reality it is still HARD. Please don't misunderstand, my heart is very full and I'm so grateful. I know there are so many still in the struggle of fertility and waiting to see how God wants to grow their families. My heart still remembers what the 'waiting, disappointment, uncertainity' feels like and I long for their dreams to also be fulfilled.

Since we've returned from Montana it seems like we cannot get our feet back under us. Adam and I set a few goals for the fall and were very excited about beginning them. One of them being 'weight loss'. We joined the Y, we went 'back to school' shopping, we organized, and we were ready for life. That is until Reid woke up with a 102.7 fever...and our feet were knocked out from under us. NOW a week and a half later, his fever just broke; we've been to the doctor a few times, we've been through 2 children with 'hand, foot and mouth disease' (btw...what kind of name is that for a virus~ I wish you could see the faces of those who have never heard of it!); we've been through another virus with Reid, two teeth, and sleepless nights!!! Did I mention Reid is 10 months old and I don't think we've made it ONE week sleeping through the night?! I guess I could go on and on but that's not the point of this...

Just yesterday as I was spending some time with the Lord while Reid was taking a (20 min) nap and Addie was at school...

(Adapted from Nearer to Jesus by Sarah Young)

It was Monday and one of the lines..."learning to live above your circumstances, even while interacting on that cluttered plane of life." YOU (me) yearn for SIMPLE....so that your communication with Him can be uninterrupted...

RELINQUISH the fantasy of an uncluttered world

ACCEPT each day just as it comes

FIND Him in it ALL
"In all your ways acknowledge Him & He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:6

This is so HARD for me. The letting go, the relinquishing....

I want to quit worrying about money. I want to lose weight. I want to be a kinder, more gentle person (wife, mom). I want to be supportive, not envious. I want to sing more and grip less. I want to look for the positive, not dwell on the negative. I want to reach out to those who need me, not wait for them to come to me. I want to live fully even when it's HARD.

The very few moments that I have 'relinquished my control' HE IS THERE...

Isaiah 41:13 "For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'do not fear, I will help you."

John 16:33 "I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace.."

He says to me "understanding will fail you but trust will keep you close to me"

He's training me to find him in each moment...

PEACE. 'my current deepest need to calm my fears and clear my mind' just like he did with the disciples long ago...

John 20:19 "when the disciples were together~ with the doors locked for fear of the Jews~ Jesus came and stood among them and said "PEACE be with you."

HIS PRESENCE is with Me and He offers me PEACE. Though I do not deserve it, though I have not earned it...PEACE is my gift.

So today (this moment)  I'm choosing to 'let the PEACE of Christ rule in my heart..' Col. 3:15

exhausted.broken. grateful. beloved. cherished. peaceful.